The Grilled Stuft Burrito (Rebuttal)

Thursday, May 31, 2001

If I stand in line for a Grilled Stuft Burrito, I am indeed a jerk! This bland entry, even with chicken included, is as disappointing as my date with Elsa Benitez. The burrito in its paper wrap seemed curiously solid, and in fact opening the wrapper revealed a burrito as inflexible as any directly removed from the freezer at the supermarket. The burrito does indeed appear to have been grilled, as evidenced by more-than-golden-brown bars on the sides of the rectangular-prism, as if it had been placed on the grill, and had had the complete works of Poe placed on it to ensure a nice flat shape and dark grill marks.

Lest one worry that the grill marks are only a visual gimmick, rest assured that they are indeed legitimate, and have a fairly unappealing scorched-tortilla taste which reminds one why one does not normally feel the need to char a burrito to a dark brown. The taste overpowers the entire burrito, and only a decent drenching in hot sauce (three packets for a single burrito is about average) can even begin to redeem the Grild Stuft Burrito.

Rating: D (Darker than it should be)

Reviewed by Matthew Abrams
The Hills Have Eyes 2

Hostel Part II

Six Degrees



Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip


The Hills Have Eyes

Love Monkey

Out of Practice

Head Cases

Crunchwrap Supreme

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Batman Begins

Garden State


13 Going On 30



Kill Bill, Vol. 2

Line of Fire

We Shall All Be Healed

Happy Family

Arrested Development

Love Actually

A Minute with Stan Hooper


Karen Sisco

Stop All the World Now

Cold Case



Joan of Arcadia



Lost In Translation

House of 1000 Corpses

Bubba Ho-Tep

Darkness Falls

Pirates of the Caribbean

The Amazing Race

Treasure Island



To Hit Armor Class Zero

Without A Trace

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Life With Bonnie

JalapeƱo Cheeseburger

The Mothman Prophecies

Happy Campers

The Man Who Wasn't There

Kiss of the Dragon

Josie & the Pussycats

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Dr. Pepper

Know By Heart

Waking Life


Thirteen Ghosts

Earthlink presents Chang and Eng

New York and Country Bar


Motivation and Water Tower Grammar

Crossing Philly

Makeout Club


The Gap

The Abolition of Work

3000 Miles to Graceland



The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Diesel Sweeties

The Cold Six Thousand

The Grilled Stuft Burrito (Rebuttal)

60 Second Wipeout

The Patriot

Grilled Stuft Burrito



Frankenfinger E.P.

One Force Down


Both Our Secrets

Happy Birthday Captain Columbus!

Fight Club

Whatever It Takes


That Skinny Motherfucker with the High Voice?

Joe Dirt

The Veggie Whopper

Taco Bell Nachos


Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

The Terror of Mechagodzilla

To The Center


American Psycho

The Del Shredder

What Lies Beneath

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Bring It On

Chill Factor

Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars

Bad Company

The Blair Witch Project

Hyacinths and Thistles

Lake of Dracula

We'll Have a Time

Home Depot

Snow Day

The Virgin Suicides