Happy Birthday Captain Columbus!

Friday, May 11, 2001

I cannot express how thrilled I was the day I realized that the large quanity of free, mostly-horrible singles I had acquired contained this 7". I have long-standing love for this single, and, more importantly, for the collected works of The Philistines Jr.

For those who do not know, TPJ (no idea if this is an accepted abbreviation, but my fingers are getting sore) have been churning out great indie pop/rock for somewhere around a decade, releasing the bulk of it on their own Tarquin Records. They apparently have a new album ready to go, but are unable to find funding, which ranks up there with the starvation of children worldwide as far as global travesties go in my (admittedly off-base) view of the world. There have to be enough people out there who would chip in $20 or so to help pay for costs in exchange for a copy of the CD when it finally comes out. Aren't there?

Anyway, this may well be my favorite thing TPJ ever released. The A-Side is a brilliant, if historically wrong, tribute to Christopher Columbus (who sailed out in 1492 with 2 ships, according to one of the vocalist) Brilliant.

But nothing compared to the B-Side.

Two great 80's covers: "Melt with You" and "Kids in America" PLAYED AT THE SAME TIME ON DIFFERENT CHANNELS. Sorry for yelling, but it's so damn brilliant. You use the balance to select which song you want to hear! Fabulous! (Except, of course, on my record player, which is mono, so plays them both at once)

Yes, I know this sounds very close to a novelty single (We all know how I feel about novelty bands) and, truth be told, these guys do routinely lapse into novelty recordings in some of their affiliate projects (most notably The Zambonis) but TPS albums are much closer to concept albums with horribly flawed concepts. Like the rock opera about a sinking of a ship that takes place in reverse chronological order. Not terribly funny, just amusingly misguided.

Misguided... and brilliant, that is.

Rating: A+ (Top of the line)

Reviewed by Padgett Arango
Contents
The Hills Have Eyes 2

Hostel Part II

Six Degrees

Shark

Jericho

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Justice

The Hills Have Eyes

Love Monkey

Out of Practice

Head Cases

Crunchwrap Supreme

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Batman Begins

Garden State

Hero

13 Going On 30

LAX

Starman

quirkyalone.net

Kill Bill, Vol. 2

Line of Fire

We Shall All Be Healed

Happy Family

Arrested Development

Love Actually

A Minute with Stan Hooper

Tarzan

Karen Sisco

Stop All the World Now

Cold Case

Skin

10-8

Joan of Arcadia

Eve

Luis

Lost In Translation

House of 1000 Corpses

Bubba Ho-Tep

Darkness Falls

Pirates of the Caribbean

The Amazing Race

Treasure Island

FearDotCom

Adaptation

To Hit Armor Class Zero

Without A Trace

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Life With Bonnie

Jalapeņo Cheeseburger

The Mothman Prophecies

Happy Campers

The Man Who Wasn't There

Kiss of the Dragon

Josie & the Pussycats

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Dr. Pepper

Know By Heart

Waking Life

L.I.E.

Thirteen Ghosts

Earthlink presents Chang and Eng

New York and Country Bar

Change

Motivation and Water Tower Grammar

Crossing Philly

Makeout Club

Undeclared

The Gap

The Abolition of Work

3000 Miles to Graceland

Kolobos

Duets

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Diesel Sweeties

The Cold Six Thousand

The Grilled Stuft Burrito (Rebuttal)

60 Second Wipeout

The Patriot

Grilled Stuft Burrito

Cowgirls

Crystalline

Frankenfinger E.P.

One Force Down

Shake

Both Our Secrets

Happy Birthday Captain Columbus!

Fight Club

Whatever It Takes

Committed

That Skinny Motherfucker with the High Voice?

Joe Dirt

The Veggie Whopper

Taco Bell Nachos

Palmetto

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

The Terror of Mechagodzilla

To The Center

Infiniti+Infiniti

American Psycho

The Del Shredder

What Lies Beneath

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Bring It On

Chill Factor

Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars

Bad Company

The Blair Witch Project

Hyacinths and Thistles

Lake of Dracula

We'll Have a Time

Home Depot

Snow Day

The Virgin Suicides