Grilled Stuft Burrito

Monday, May 14, 2001

Growing up in the Midwest gives you a pretty skewed idea of Mexican food. Take, for instance, the burritos that were routinely made in my household.

Step 1 (Preparation) - Heat up refried beans in the microwave. Shred cheese. Dice onions.

Step 2 (Cooking) - Put butter in hot pan. Put tortilla in pan. Put everything else in tortilla. Get it nice and crispy.

Sort of like an omlet, but usually a little more burnt.

I considered this to be a proper burrito well into my time living in Southern California, until I shared this technique with people, all of whom were disgusted. "Burritos," they said, "do not get grilled. You steam the tortilla, stuff, and eat."

And, like a good little lamb, I complied, and, truth be told, I generally prefer my burritos this way now, and just assumed that my mother had a bizarre concept of burrito-making.

But now...

Now I have justification! No less an authority on Mexican food than TACO BELL has confirmed this method of Burrito-Making. "It's [their] best burrito yet!" the ads scream. Ha! See! Grilling it "seals in the flavor!" Why did you not listen to me? You could have been ahead of the game if only you had listened to me! Now you have to stand in line like a jerk to get a Grilled Burrito! You could have befriended me years ago and eaten your fill of them! But no. You laughed at me. Don't think I haven't forgotten.

Bwahahahahahaa.

Revenge is sweet. Especially with a side of Cinnamon Twists.

Rating: B (Gains points for vindication. Loses points for poor spelling.)

Reviewed by Padgett Arango
Contents
The Hills Have Eyes 2

Hostel Part II

Six Degrees

Shark

Jericho

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Justice

The Hills Have Eyes

Love Monkey

Out of Practice

Head Cases

Crunchwrap Supreme

The Exorcism of Emily Rose

Batman Begins

Garden State

Hero

13 Going On 30

LAX

Starman

quirkyalone.net

Kill Bill, Vol. 2

Line of Fire

We Shall All Be Healed

Happy Family

Arrested Development

Love Actually

A Minute with Stan Hooper

Tarzan

Karen Sisco

Stop All the World Now

Cold Case

Skin

10-8

Joan of Arcadia

Eve

Luis

Lost In Translation

House of 1000 Corpses

Bubba Ho-Tep

Darkness Falls

Pirates of the Caribbean

The Amazing Race

Treasure Island

FearDotCom

Adaptation

To Hit Armor Class Zero

Without A Trace

8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter

Life With Bonnie

Jalapeņo Cheeseburger

The Mothman Prophecies

Happy Campers

The Man Who Wasn't There

Kiss of the Dragon

Josie & the Pussycats

Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Dr. Pepper

Know By Heart

Waking Life

L.I.E.

Thirteen Ghosts

Earthlink presents Chang and Eng

New York and Country Bar

Change

Motivation and Water Tower Grammar

Crossing Philly

Makeout Club

Undeclared

The Gap

The Abolition of Work

3000 Miles to Graceland

Kolobos

Duets

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea

Diesel Sweeties

The Cold Six Thousand

The Grilled Stuft Burrito (Rebuttal)

60 Second Wipeout

The Patriot

Grilled Stuft Burrito

Cowgirls

Crystalline

Frankenfinger E.P.

One Force Down

Shake

Both Our Secrets

Happy Birthday Captain Columbus!

Fight Club

Whatever It Takes

Committed

That Skinny Motherfucker with the High Voice?

Joe Dirt

The Veggie Whopper

Taco Bell Nachos

Palmetto

Godzilla vs. Monster Zero

The Terror of Mechagodzilla

To The Center

Infiniti+Infiniti

American Psycho

The Del Shredder

What Lies Beneath

The Cheesy Gordita Crunch

Bring It On

Chill Factor

Alan Mendelsohn, the Boy from Mars

Bad Company

The Blair Witch Project

Hyacinths and Thistles

Lake of Dracula

We'll Have a Time

Home Depot

Snow Day

The Virgin Suicides